tmr is 12Nov..
just came to realise it when i log into facebook this afternoon.. at the right-hand corner, it says tmr birthday - bosco lai.. it's not as if i've forgotten his birthday (in fact it is one of those dates which i foresaw a challenge,just like 2Oct) but i really didn't realise its impact till this afternoon..
as much as i wld like to celebrate with him,i know it's not in my range of choices; as much as i wld like to wish him 'Happy Birthday',i dunno how and what to say.. the question then came to my mind 'should i?' .. for some time, i was really wondering if i should.. in the end,i decided to send him a e-card (at least it's an effort to choose n send, if he still appreciates it) .. but even till this moment,i still wonder if the card message is appropriate, will he misinterprets as i'm still upset with him (cos the message is like 'looking back at your achievement past yr').. then again, that is the simpliest design i can find (fyi i searched in 2 web greeting sites). .. anyway what's sent is sent, so be it.
how saddening it is.. last yr this day i was happily planning a surprise for him - a lunch treat for 3, took this leap of faith to get him a watch as his present.. yet, this year this time, i have to step back all the way to a simple e-card.. and still ve to worry if it'll dampen his happiness..
how ironic.. how contradicting life can be..
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
10 Nov 08 - Dumb way to know a person
i received an email from Bosco today.. in fact it's abt 10am this morning when he sent to my webmail.. it took me 1min to decide if i shld open it, then i took 3mins staring at his message..before i embark on another 1min to decide if i should delete it. when i finally deleted it, i took more than 5mins for his 2 sentences email.
basically, he was just replying to a mass survey email (those that ask u to share this news with your friends via mass mailing).. so it's not really a direct email to me.. he mentioned he sms me but i didn't reply him(must be the old mobile cos he dun know my new contact) ..he just wants to know how am i now.. ..
my first tot: shld i be affected, be it happy or sad? then next qn: what kind of answer is he expecting?.. .. i know he's still caring enough to ask how am i, but .. how do u expect me to answer that qn?
personally i think it's a dumb qn. considering that super fluent A1 essay he wrote in reply to my old blog (all the effort to structure his thoughts flow), i'm sure he can do better than to ask this 'direct' qn, even though he's really just want to know how am i. .. am i still angry/upset with him? i can clearly tell u - i was but not anymore. it's a burden which i've learnt to let go and let God, thru His stern lesson. .. personal view: if u really want to know how is ur ex-gf doing, then please be smarter. there are alot of other ways to find out, rather than to ask 'just want to know how are you getting?'. if there's a will, there's a way... anyway,how do u expect the answer to be- 'thanks, i'm better now'? 'i still miss you'?? 'how about you n her'???.. if u r asking for the sake of asking, i'd suggest it's better to leave each of u to your life.. cos u might be hurting or giving her false hope.. hence, i decided it's a dumb qn, so i deleted it without replying.
some of u may applaud at my deletion, some may question if i'm too impolite to his kind intentions. well, let me put it this way.. i understand his kind intentions - he really wants to know how am i now after all i was really in a bad shape.. but now that he's on same level as 'normal friends', then i have to see if this kind of 'get-to-know-you' qn interest me. u can say my expectations are high - yes, i do expect guys to take the bold steps to face rejection, for sake of the ladies they really like. it's like a desire - if u really want to know,you'll do everything to find out, even though failure may slams on your face dozens times. clearly, i do not see any effort from this email of good intention to know about my present life.. hence.. it's permanently out of my malbox. perhaps another comfort point/test of faith: if we're meant to be, i believe no matter how many times i slam the door at his face, nothing will stop him from returning.. if God is for us, who can be against us?
basically, he was just replying to a mass survey email (those that ask u to share this news with your friends via mass mailing).. so it's not really a direct email to me.. he mentioned he sms me but i didn't reply him(must be the old mobile cos he dun know my new contact) ..he just wants to know how am i now.. ..
my first tot: shld i be affected, be it happy or sad? then next qn: what kind of answer is he expecting?.. .. i know he's still caring enough to ask how am i, but .. how do u expect me to answer that qn?
personally i think it's a dumb qn. considering that super fluent A1 essay he wrote in reply to my old blog (all the effort to structure his thoughts flow), i'm sure he can do better than to ask this 'direct' qn, even though he's really just want to know how am i. .. am i still angry/upset with him? i can clearly tell u - i was but not anymore. it's a burden which i've learnt to let go and let God, thru His stern lesson. .. personal view: if u really want to know how is ur ex-gf doing, then please be smarter. there are alot of other ways to find out, rather than to ask 'just want to know how are you getting?'. if there's a will, there's a way... anyway,how do u expect the answer to be- 'thanks, i'm better now'? 'i still miss you'?? 'how about you n her'???.. if u r asking for the sake of asking, i'd suggest it's better to leave each of u to your life.. cos u might be hurting or giving her false hope.. hence, i decided it's a dumb qn, so i deleted it without replying.
some of u may applaud at my deletion, some may question if i'm too impolite to his kind intentions. well, let me put it this way.. i understand his kind intentions - he really wants to know how am i now after all i was really in a bad shape.. but now that he's on same level as 'normal friends', then i have to see if this kind of 'get-to-know-you' qn interest me. u can say my expectations are high - yes, i do expect guys to take the bold steps to face rejection, for sake of the ladies they really like. it's like a desire - if u really want to know,you'll do everything to find out, even though failure may slams on your face dozens times. clearly, i do not see any effort from this email of good intention to know about my present life.. hence.. it's permanently out of my malbox. perhaps another comfort point/test of faith: if we're meant to be, i believe no matter how many times i slam the door at his face, nothing will stop him from returning.. if God is for us, who can be against us?
Saturday, November 8, 2008
8 Oct 08 - God's reminder - 1John 4:4
for the past 3 days, i've been receiving this verse from various people.. the verse i vividly remember as my first sharing in CTK charismatic prayer group during my pit (i was standing in front of everyone with the mic, proclaiming this verse which came from nowhere.. and that's also how i got to know uncle bonnie).. simple verse but it holds such power within.. now it's such a memorial promise to me..
when Jesus paid with His life for us, everything has been done and given to us as our victory over the devil. when we pray for our breakthrough,our revelations, how often did we look back into the Word of God, to the Beginning - our redemption at the Cross. what a GREAT Price has been paid so we can now be heirs in God's Kingdom! how can we overlook that... the Great Exchange has already been done!! We have overcomed the world!!! whatever situation we face, whatever we need to enjoy fullness of life, do we realise that all these have already been given to us? the issue now is are we 'bold' enough to claim our blessings to be ours?
honestly, i see no reason why devil wants to have our blessings, afterall he is already ruling in this world.. i believe what he is really after is our joy. without joy, we feel weak n unable to walk with God; without joy, we cannot testify God's great love for His people; without joy, our Living God is turned into a mere idealogy, another religious concept of doing good (in sociologist term - opium of the masses in society).. do we really see ourselve as heirs of God, given the same authority, power and faith as Jesus for our daily exercise? we are called to be overcomers, not just 'living to get by' Christians... we need to claim our joy n bring down the devil! he has no right to steal our joy!! even in our deepest pit in life, Jesus lives in us and He has overcomed the world!!
...this verse is such a blessing to me! i thank God for His gentle reminder!!
1 John 4:4 [AMP]
Little children, you are of God [you belong to Him] and have [already] defeated and overcome them [the agents of the antichrist], because He Who lives in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world.
when Jesus paid with His life for us, everything has been done and given to us as our victory over the devil. when we pray for our breakthrough,our revelations, how often did we look back into the Word of God, to the Beginning - our redemption at the Cross. what a GREAT Price has been paid so we can now be heirs in God's Kingdom! how can we overlook that... the Great Exchange has already been done!! We have overcomed the world!!! whatever situation we face, whatever we need to enjoy fullness of life, do we realise that all these have already been given to us? the issue now is are we 'bold' enough to claim our blessings to be ours?
honestly, i see no reason why devil wants to have our blessings, afterall he is already ruling in this world.. i believe what he is really after is our joy. without joy, we feel weak n unable to walk with God; without joy, we cannot testify God's great love for His people; without joy, our Living God is turned into a mere idealogy, another religious concept of doing good (in sociologist term - opium of the masses in society).. do we really see ourselve as heirs of God, given the same authority, power and faith as Jesus for our daily exercise? we are called to be overcomers, not just 'living to get by' Christians... we need to claim our joy n bring down the devil! he has no right to steal our joy!! even in our deepest pit in life, Jesus lives in us and He has overcomed the world!!
...this verse is such a blessing to me! i thank God for His gentle reminder!!
1 John 4:4 [AMP]
Little children, you are of God [you belong to Him] and have [already] defeated and overcome them [the agents of the antichrist], because He Who lives in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world.
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