29 Sep 08 - 溫馨的喜事

昨晚是好同事結婚過門的好日子..作為姐妹團的一份子,菁一早就起床..也因為新娘娘家離菁家有段距離,所以也不得不早起....好想賴床..最後還是匆匆忙忙地上了計程車..出門前還被媽媽念了一遍'又當姊妹了小心嫁不出去'..這是菁第6次當新娘的姊妹吧..

姊妹當然不能白拿紅包不做事..已經和其他姊妹計畫好重重考驗來測試新郎娶新娘的誠心.. 雖然前幾次的新郎們都很互動但這次的兄弟們真的是為了新郎犧牲許多.. 也許是因為他們兄弟情深,也許因為他們可憐新郎前晚食物中毒還在復原中.. 就連帶病上徵的新郎也玩得很開心.. 迎娶遊戲好玩熱鬧多了.. 也或許因為上星期姐妹團已經認識那班兄弟所以當大家玩在一起還真的誤了吉時.. 一整天的迎娶和敬茶的程序很累人,但能分享好朋友的喜悅是多麼快樂的事..

晚上的婚宴簡單卻熱鬧極了.. 節目不匆忙,時間不緊湊.. 好舒服的婚宴.. 新婚夫婦一桌桌地拍完照後,甚至還有時間和親戚朋友交流互動..氣氛十分溫馨.. 當然焦點還是婚宴後的慶祝.. 姊妹兄弟們和新婚夫婦在一起玩鬧喝酒,在酒店的新婚套房玩得'不省人事'.. 還好菁了解自己的酒量,不然今天就不能上班了,那可真的很狼狽..

參加這次的婚宴菁很開心..菁很久沒有這麼玩鬧,這麼高興了..

祝福你們我的好友 - KEITH POH & GWEN PEE !

27 Sep 08 - Arise n Build is here again!

God really has His plan n timing.. for past 13yrs,no matter how 'lost touch' i was from CHC..God never fails to pull me back into this big project as a church. though it can be really challenging,but i'm really happy to be called back to be in this project..

'Arise and Build' is not about the numbers to give. it's really about the transformation of life and mindset in this period. Stewardship,discipleship,accountability... these are some of the fruits which this project will instil in a Christian's life through this project. this really is a time of test on our walk.. How great is our God? How much do we know about His love,His Word for people? Is He really our Lord of All? How much we trust Him,esp when we cant see His hand.. Do we really trust His love and His timing of plan? What is the true treasure of our heart?..

last season,i was challenged in the Spirit to lift up 2 things which were (actually still are) precious in my heart. but not long after,the exact 2 things were taken away from me. looking back now,having a glimpse at His plan,i'm happy that all had happened happened... everything is in His control. i lifted them up for the Master to 'work on it' cos i really wanted to improve on them yet i've no idea nor resources.. how could the Master work on it,unless i let go of them into His hands? now,having learnt to let go, my job is to wait and learn to trust the Master to return the improved products back to me.. mind you, this Master has His perfect schedule which He follows strictly.. i just have to learn to wait n trust Him..

though this season is not starting yet,but i've already gotten this bubbling joy... looking forward to ARISE and BUILD again!

21 Sep 08 - Sound of Music 真善美

天啊,菁真的覺得自己似乎踏入中年...

今天原本約幾個同事來我家學麻將但她們臨時有事取消了..全家甚至爸媽已出去約會,留菁一個人在家裡.. 菁一向認為自己不適合獨自待在家裡, 但今天不想一個人逛街,即使出去也不知道能做些什麼.. 所以菁決定上網看戲..一部愛情片..真的無聊到不行所以放棄了.. 這就是一個人的生活嗎? 真的還真可怕.. 這是'老處女'的前湊嗎? 菁也想出門社交,甚至想過參加什麼什麼活動去認識更多朋友 (好聽點是'朋友'但實際上大家還不是在評估彼此可否成為伴侶) 但菁相信上天的微妙安排 - 會來的總會來,菁也不想做些自己不喜歡的事..則來之則安之吧..但單身女的心情又有谁人知?

在真的要無聊發狂前的最後一分鐘,突然想看<真善美>.. 菁非常喜歡這部老片,百看不厭..甚至不用歌詞菁已經把戲裡所有的歌背在腦海了.. 邊看邊唱讓菁覺得其實自己也不是這麼'沒人要'嘛..就像女主角,雖然不適合修院的生活,但總會有屬於她的地方.. 只要有信,將來會更好.. 心情好了許多..

唱到這首"I have confidence"覺得好貼切..尤其那句'I must dream of the things I am seeking;I am seeking the courage I lack'..菁真的需要勇氣..

20 Sep 08 - Smart Alec J

somehow i should be asleep by now.. somehow i should not be testing myself..
but i did. (good job, J, really) .. went to facebook.. saw his updated status - "in relationship"..

cant deny that i'm affected.. but i know God's ways are higher than my ways.. if he's for me,He'll make a way.. if he's not,at least he's happy and i've learnt to be closer to God's love through it all.. what is to come will come, what is to go will go.

ok, i think i better go and sleep, before my thoughts start to flood in and cause me to fall into the D trap.. esp i've quite a lot to do this weekend, preparing for my colleague's wedding next week. The thought of singing at her wedding still haunts me -- my goodneess, do i really have to do it???

19 Sep 08 - 2nd prize won!

I cannot - I CANNOT express how blessed and happy I am now!!!

For you who do not know,I was thinking of getting an Apple iPod touch for all my videos and mp3. Then I got this really great deal on my new phone, so I got myself this new mobile. And now, my Walldorf office congratulates me for winning the second prize - Apple iPod touch! I'm totally totally surprised and blessed!!!! I thank God for His plan! When I was praying for wisdom to decide between iPod Touch and Omnia, He has actually planned to bless me with both!!

"Dear Colleague,
Thank you for your active participation in our Destination: Security@XXX quiz. We hope you enjoyed your time on board our flight to destination Security@XX. You were one of the 14,337 colleagues who completed all training sessions successfully, and your name was randomly drawn from this list to win a prize.

On behalf of the Global Governance, Risk, and Compliance Security team, we would like to congratulate you on winning a:
Apple iPod touch"

Who says God only answers our prayer on spiritual stuff? God is our Father!! He loves and He cares! Not to forget that He is really very detailed, meticulous in His planning! If you ever have this chance to interview God on His management, I'm very cerain you'll be IN AWE! No one can compares to His Love and His Plans for us!

… now that I have both .. hmm..I know what I can do with the iTouch..

Praise to God in the Highest! You can never, I say again -NEVER, out-give God our Father in Heaven!

18 Sep 08 - Another beam of light

did i ever mentioned that i have this friend who always know when i am in need or troubled without anyone telling her anything? we have not known for long, hardly have chance to talk, let alone calling or even sms.. but somehow she'll receive the 'vibes' when i need someone or some advice.. I know it's spooky, but it's true. my extraordinary friend from AMP..

while i'm still discerning n seeking,i met her in the most unexpected way,with most unexpected friend and to receive an unexpected news! She is PREGNANT! Wow!! I'm so happy for her! but i guess i was overwhelmed by the news that i was totally speechless n expressionless.. (trust me,babe,I AM REALLY HAPPY FOR U! Take care and rest more, ok?) She was with the most unexpected friend of mine who has been too busy to meet me up these days.. it's amazing how God arranges people to know each other in this big world! never expect them to 'chance upon' each other and here we are-3 of us, knowing one another.

i really had a good time listening to her.. I didn't have to talk much.. She knew my dilemma, the 'dark secret' which i'm holding on (even though i tried to package my situation in a nice parcel to share with her) She just has the gift to see things BEYOND the way they appear. (btw she shared that her prayer is to have Lord's Grace to see things as He wants her to see.. I guess God really answers her prayers!) I am really blessed to bump onto her n have this time of sharing! She really shines forth another beam of light into my darkness..

clearer direction but i'll still persist.. (perfectionist, remember?)

17 Sep 08 - 可風與建和

今天真奇怪.. 突然想念在前公司的同事,那些下班後一起K歌的日子..
可風和建和的歌聲,他們的合唱的默契.. 真是耍寶.. 想起來就想笑,好懷念..

這首歌就這樣飄進菁的腦海.. 說得真貼切..
菁和他也許就像是”海鸟跟鱼相爱, 只是一场意外” 更奇妙的是他也就如歌詞” 你用唇语说你要离开””转身离开””分手说不出来”..也許当初彼此的確 不够成熟坦白, 所以釀成今日的热情不再笑容勉强不来.. .. 只是一切 结束太快了..

珊瑚海 (Jay & Lara)
海平面远方开始阴霾 悲伤要怎么平静纯白
我的脸上 始终挟带 一抹浅浅的无奈
你用唇语说你要离开（心不在） 那难过无声慢了下来
汹涌潮水 你听明白 不是浪而是泪海

转身离开 （你有话说不出来） 分手说不出来 海鸟跟鱼相爱 只是一场意外
我们的爱（给的爱） 差异一直存在 （回不来） 风中尘埃 （等待） 竟累积成伤害

转身离开 （分手说不出来） 分手说不出来 蔚蓝的珊瑚海 错过瞬间苍白
当初彼此（你我都） 不够成熟坦白 （不应该） 热情不再 （你的） 笑容勉强不来
爱深埋珊瑚海

毁坏的沙雕如何重来 有裂痕的爱怎么重盖
只是一切 结束太快 你说你无法释怀
贝壳里隐藏什么期待（等花儿开） 我们也已经无心再猜
面向海风 咸咸的爱 尝不出还有未来

转身离开 （你有话说不出来） 分手说不出来 海鸟跟鱼相爱 只是一场意外
我们的爱（给的爱） 差异一直存在 （回不来） 风中尘埃 （等待） 竟累积成伤害

转身离开 （分手说不出来） 分手说不出来 蔚蓝的珊瑚海 错过瞬间苍白
当初彼此（你我都） 不够成熟坦白 （不应该） 热情不再 （你的） 笑容勉强不来
爱深埋珊瑚海

15 Sep 08 - 辛樂克颱風 Sinlaku Typhoon

今天休病假終於可以躺在沙發看電視節目.. 可是..眼前的一切是多麼心寒..

菁一向喜歡颱風暴雨的力量,喜歡其中的威力..但辛樂克颱風讓她有些改觀..
颱風的破壞力也真的是太大了.. 也許是人為的疏忽,也許是上天的安排.. 天災釀成意外,意外使許多無辜民眾付出寶貴的生命..


中秋佳節原本應該是家人團圓的一天..因為颱風帶大雨來襲,溪水衝襲使大橋斷毀, 這樣的链式反应就已經奪走幾個寶貴的生命.. 菁試想如果自己在那些大橋行駛時被奪走生命,或因為橋斷而不能逃離危險.. 在家裡等待菁回家團圓吃飯的爸媽會是多麼心碎擔心.. 看著罹難者家屬的哭啼,菁也不禁落淚.. 一個人的死活不只是他自己的責任也是家人的牽掛..

..妹妹原本計畫去台灣旅遊,泡溫泉.. 想到這裡,菁毛孔悚然...
祈禱保佑千萬不能讓不幸的事發生在家人身上.. 菁真的會瘋的..

13 Sep 08 - New signs in Mid-Autumn

A lot of things n questions in my mind for past days..

1) being Christian,we always pray for His Will be Done (ie. the Lord's prayer)..but how do i know what is His will? I guess that's the question which many of us face in our decision-making..

I have been put to make a tough decision lately.. decision to Salvation is easy but it's the commitment to be planted that is really troubling me,cos the 2 alternatives are good n seem to be 'His Will'.. i really feel like throwing in the towel n just choose by tossing the coin.. i know that is totally unwise move but i was really that frustrated.. i mean,after my bad experience which is finally giving me some peace now,i still have to make this kind of tough decision with no directive information or whatsoever.. i was so looking forward for a 'rest'..recovery path is already not easy,i still have to face this?

as i seek Him with this heavy heart,it's not surprising that good people started to contact me,share with me their advice (God knows matters in your heart and He answers prayers).. but,none of them can tell me the clear direction to take.

today,i was half-hearted if i'd ever find a clear direction..i guess i really have to exercise my faith since i cant find any 'clue' to aid my decision.but it was then when i received this question 'what is your burden which you carry?'.. it's like a light shine through my darkness, FINALLY.. (i guess i'm improving on my hearing,cos usually i'd receive only 1-word from Him but this time it's a SENTENCE! hahaa..)

what a good question!! the Bible talks about sharing vision with your leaders, ie Timothy shared vision and passion with Paul hence their relationship is that of father n son, and together they served God fervently. Though both options i have are good,but what is my burden? .. though i've a lot of good friends n good prospective ministry in both options,but what is my burden? it's not good to carry other burdens (though they're good burdens) when it's not my calling to do so..

I seem to know my direction now..nothing is impossible with God.. but being perfectionist,i'd still discern upon it..

2) tonight is Mid-Autumn Festival. it's a BIG deal to my family.. Every year,we'll gather ALL relatives (close and extended) together on this night,even more grand than Chinese New Year. imagine all cousins,all aunties n uncles,most of the 'in-law's from those married relatives,and even my father's cousins (totally extensive n oldER generations) all come together for a picnic on this night..

awesome,right? this is one family event which i do not allow myself,nor my future partner,to be absent cos it holds so much of family values.. i'll miss this massive family gathering when the rod is passed onto me (i'm the eldest cousin).. sigh, so much for modern life nuclear family planning..

i had great fun tonight, playing missing-lyrics games, singing and chatting with all my so-much-younger cousins.. i remember when i was the first to turn into teenager,i really wished they'll grow up faster so they'd know what i was talking about.. but now,they kept telling me to 'grow up'.. hey,it's good to maintain the 'childishness', ok?

come to think of it,bosco only joined us once.. maybe cos he's not prepared to share my responsiblities as the eldest in the family line.. hmm.. maybe there is a sign given long ago.. :P

11 Sep 08 - Chrysalis

I really like this old story.. though it's old,but the truth it holds endures forever..sometimes our intentions are good,but if it's not the Will of God, it'll actually make the situation worse... every struggle has its purpose.. Nothing happens unless God allows it - He has His reason.

CHRYSALIS
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened!
In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives.
If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us.
We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

I asked for Strength.........
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom.........
And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity.........
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage.........
And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love.........
And God gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors.........
And God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted ........
I received everything I needed!

Trust in God. Always !

10 Sept 08 - 還好沒翹課

09092008 長長久久的這一天菁把手機與聯絡號碼換了..
這應該是菁今年最後一次的大消費,因為單身的菁其實也沒什麼可消費的. 雖然現有的手機還能使用,但是他名下的電話線..雖然他也沒連絡菁取回電話費用,但菁知道應該了結.
何況菁很喜歡這台PDA手機..帥呆了!

今天菁故意翹RCIA課..雖然明知不應該卻80%的心情的確不想去..甚至故意約朋友要幫她計畫她的婚禮,但在菁下班前的最後一分鐘朋友盡然發生狀況,所以改為下星期約會.. 菁又故意聯絡班上最不可能出席的同學 - 心想有伴一起翹課,心理上至少會過得去.. 萬萬想不到,今天這位同學不只不想曠課,盡然還鼓勵菁出席課堂.. 事情就是這樣安排好了..菁也只好乖乖上課去..

但菁沒有後悔不翹課..
菁不只在神的殿裡好好休息了,今晚的課題像是溫柔的指導著菁.. 天主就是這樣喜歡用祂自己的安排,往往在菁失落叛逆時輕輕地菁的視線引導回正路,並給予安慰平安.. 其實菁的內心正需要這份平安但菁一直否認這個需要,一直不想尋找或要求這份平安.. 你可以說是巧合也好,是心裡作用也好,但菁真的在恩赐的平安中找到數天一直矛盾著菁的問題..新的開始應該做的事,前面應該走的路..

明天是妹妹的生日..在大中秋聚會前來個小家庭聚會也不錯...一起在24度的氣溫吃辣辣的火鍋..感覺真好,好期待..

7 Sep 08 - Another meaning to my TP T-shirt

I happened to see my TP orientation T-shirt in my wardrobe..was kinda affected...cos this is the shirt which he'd wear when he stayed over at my house.. my heart ached at this thought..

Then, i received this video invitation in facebook..
I CANNOT believe it!! Totally amazing!! TOTALL AMAZING!!
I cannot, i mean it- I really CANNOT stop laughing!! We really had such great fun as TP Orientation Group Leaders, 10yrs back!! 10yrs!! wow! how time flies.. :)
Full of such GREAT old days memories!

Can you see me in this video?
Temasek Polytechnic Orientation 1997/98


And I actually found another in YouTube! It's amazing what technology provides these days.. another meaning to my TP orientation shirt..

My FAVOURITE dance - Temasek Polytechnic Mass Dance!
I really want to dance it NOW! hahaa..

6 Sep 08 - 沙灘上的海星

窗外下著大雨,涼涼冷冷的..好舒服..加上一壺熱玫瑰茶在床邊是多麼享受的夜晚..

今天陳牧師分享了一個簡單的道理..
A father n son are strolling on a beach.The son is picking up the erroded pieces of seashells along the beach.
Suddenly,they saw something floating on the water.When the thing is washed up nearer to shore,they realise it's a beautiful starfish.
The son wades eagerly forward to pick it,but when he is close to it,he hesitates and returns to his father without picking the starfish up.Though puzzled,the father encourages him to pick it up again.
Again,the son wades eagerly forward to pick it,but when he is close to it,he hesitates and returns to his father without picking the starfish up.Frustrated,the father questioned the son on his strange behaviour..He is so close to the motionless beautiful starfish,he could have picked it up.
In reply,the son lifts his hands up and shows them to his father.His hands are so full of the broken seashells he has collected that he cannot hold the beautiful starfish anymore..
常常人對生活事物的態度不也是這樣嗎?
我們往往收集了一些明明知道不完美,不完整的事物..卻又執著地不肯鬆手放開去接受其他完美,完整的事物..
即使天父渴望將完美的事物恩賜給我們,我們的手心還會有空間去接受這份祝福嗎?

回家的途中女友們在聊"婚姻"..單身的我們在事業上可算是有些成就,下班後可以約朋友聊天逛街,甚至可以三五成群地約出國旅遊..這樣充實的生活,我們還渴望婚姻嗎? 或許唯一會使我們渴望男生的呵護是當我們病倒時吧..

真的是這樣嗎? 菁能像她們一樣地將單身生活看得如此灑脫,如此輕鬆嗎? 一向覺得自己是'大女人'的菁其實是個'小女人'嗎? 婚姻和夫妻間互相扶持的承諾在現代生活中已經失去意義了嗎? 還相信男女愛情,婚姻的菁可否算是傻女人呢?

就算當傻大姊,菁還是相信愛的奇蹟,相信神聖的婚姻.. 雖然他傷透菁的心,但他的出現也證明了菁的擇偶條件並不苛刻.. 也許時間還不對,也許他不是主要祝福菁的完美恩賜.. 但菁相信那位符合菁所有擇偶條件的他是存在的... 菁渴望那一天的來臨..

*****
菁非常喜歡這首歌..Amazing Grace
甚至還曾經決定將來菁離開時,這首歌一定要陪伴菁走人生最後一段

5 Sep 08 - New Beginnings Concert

just came back from an orchestral concert titled "New Beginnings".. i thought i'd enjoy it cos i have always enjoyed such events but it didn't turn out as enjoyable as i thought i would.. he kept coming to my mind - he was in a orchestral band as flute player n we enjoyed attending concerts together.. (speaking of being athletic n talented,he is -at least in my eyes) i miss him.. it seems like whatever i enjoy doing,his shadows will be there cos we shared same interest in these activities..

it's already Sept08..soon it'll be Dec08 - 1yr from when it all started.. yet,i cant really get him out of my mind.. i know emotional recovery requires time.. but i really pray for the strength to go through this..

i know he's changed.. maybe he does not enjoy such activities anymore but i cant help seeing his shadows in the things i enjoy doing.. i keep telling myself-singapore is so small,there's no way i can escape from this haunting..i know i need to face these n go through this 'painful recovery'..

if u understand my situation,please join in prayers with me in this wait.. i dont know how long i'd take but i know i've to go through this process..

3 Sep 08 - Day 1 in Reality

can i say today is my first day back in reality? for past days,i was still in transit between getting over n moving forward. but today i resumed my weekly routine - back to RCIA Wed class, back to be with people after work..
(of course i work with people at work,but that's work..but after work,i'll stay home n enjoy my transit state of mind)

lesson today is on value of life in this modern world.. what a good topic for someone who just stepped in 'new life'.. i just hope i'll have the strength to walk my talk if the time comes - to love n value life even when it's tough.. but one thing i learnt thru these yrs : life is indeed a gift, more precious than silver n gold..

met someone with very interesting job today.. he works with singapore's top policy makers daily and has a good sense of humour.. can u imagine having pictures with Senior Minister Goh in your mobile phone is a norm? sounds like a great job huh?.. but i guess they really work hard to promote singapore too.

ok back to day 1 reality.. feels normal to be normal, though i'm not sure if this normal.. honestly,i really don't know if this state of mind is normal or just another withdrawal symptom? what is normal? how does normal person feel in a normal day? i seem to have lost touch with all the norms of single life.. is this recovery or discovery??

2 Sep 08 - Addicted to Internet radio

I really love this Chinese internet radio station - www2.cvc.tv/go/sheng/
In fact I'm so addicted to it that i find myself looking forward to afternoon every day, just to tune into 缤纷生活(Wonderful Life) programme host by 大为.

I don't know why but whenever i listen to this program..my whole being-body and soul will be so still and attentive.. all i want is to listen, absorb and learn from this programme.. I'm not exaggerating, ok? I really look forward to this program.. I really enjoy their interactive n thoughts-provoking conversation..

OK, i know i sound as if i'm advertising for them. But seriously, i think every Chinese should hear it!
They have such smooth n trendy popular music + such in-depth conversational topics (Biblical applications, current affairs and historical). In the midst of Chinese songs, there're English and Cantonese songs too!
(Perfect for English-speaking person like me! I can practise Mandarin and yet not losing touch of my English.. best of both worlds.)

But you know what really amazes me? It's their fluency of Chinese language, though it's broadcasted from AUSTRALIA! Totally impressive! If only I could speak n share in Mandarin like them!


Try n hear it yourself!
http://www2.cvc.tv/go/fuseaction/listen.main/lang/chinese

For English radio, I like Joy FM (www.joyfmonline.org)
http://www.live365.com/stations/joyfm1?site=joyfm1