13 Sep 08 - New signs in Mid-Autumn

A lot of things n questions in my mind for past days..

1) being Christian,we always pray for His Will be Done (ie. the Lord's prayer)..but how do i know what is His will? I guess that's the question which many of us face in our decision-making..

I have been put to make a tough decision lately.. decision to Salvation is easy but it's the commitment to be planted that is really troubling me,cos the 2 alternatives are good n seem to be 'His Will'.. i really feel like throwing in the towel n just choose by tossing the coin.. i know that is totally unwise move but i was really that frustrated.. i mean,after my bad experience which is finally giving me some peace now,i still have to make this kind of tough decision with no directive information or whatsoever.. i was so looking forward for a 'rest'..recovery path is already not easy,i still have to face this?

as i seek Him with this heavy heart,it's not surprising that good people started to contact me,share with me their advice (God knows matters in your heart and He answers prayers).. but,none of them can tell me the clear direction to take.

today,i was half-hearted if i'd ever find a clear direction..i guess i really have to exercise my faith since i cant find any 'clue' to aid my decision.but it was then when i received this question 'what is your burden which you carry?'.. it's like a light shine through my darkness, FINALLY.. (i guess i'm improving on my hearing,cos usually i'd receive only 1-word from Him but this time it's a SENTENCE! hahaa..)

what a good question!! the Bible talks about sharing vision with your leaders, ie Timothy shared vision and passion with Paul hence their relationship is that of father n son, and together they served God fervently. Though both options i have are good,but what is my burden? .. though i've a lot of good friends n good prospective ministry in both options,but what is my burden? it's not good to carry other burdens (though they're good burdens) when it's not my calling to do so..

I seem to know my direction now..nothing is impossible with God.. but being perfectionist,i'd still discern upon it..

2) tonight is Mid-Autumn Festival. it's a BIG deal to my family.. Every year,we'll gather ALL relatives (close and extended) together on this night,even more grand than Chinese New Year. imagine all cousins,all aunties n uncles,most of the 'in-law's from those married relatives,and even my father's cousins (totally extensive n oldER generations) all come together for a picnic on this night..

awesome,right? this is one family event which i do not allow myself,nor my future partner,to be absent cos it holds so much of family values.. i'll miss this massive family gathering when the rod is passed onto me (i'm the eldest cousin).. sigh, so much for modern life nuclear family planning..

i had great fun tonight, playing missing-lyrics games, singing and chatting with all my so-much-younger cousins.. i remember when i was the first to turn into teenager,i really wished they'll grow up faster so they'd know what i was talking about.. but now,they kept telling me to 'grow up'.. hey,it's good to maintain the 'childishness', ok?

come to think of it,bosco only joined us once.. maybe cos he's not prepared to share my responsiblities as the eldest in the family line.. hmm.. maybe there is a sign given long ago.. :P