i finally stepped onto sembawang soil.. the very place full of joyful memories with Bosco..now it's a painful place for me.. stepping out from mrt, i tried not to look around, in case i bump onto him (though i know wed is his cellgroup night in AMK). i was even so tempted to go to his usual bicycle parking place to 'see him'.. tried to walk chin up through Sun Plaza, and be as relaxed as i could.. i even arranged my sisters and mum to come with me, just in case i cant cope..
if not for the wake of ZW's mother, i dun think i'd ever step onto sembawang again. the memories of riding with him on his bicycle, the haapy sweet days we spent in this area.. happy times turn painful.. and ZW's house is near his house.. i really ve to force myself to face it, to be here again..
i tot i was ok.. as long as i stay away from the crowd, avoid bumping onto anyone and concentrating on the wake.. just as i was about to leave, i saw someone looking like him,riding from Sun Plaza.. i lost my internal control.. i love him
i know he's in a relationship now,but i still love him.. silly, stupid, stubborn etc.. i know i deserve all these titles. but have u not known i've been trying to enjoy my singlehood, n keep my options open?? still, i cant deny this love for him.. he may not deserve it now.. logically i know it's futile, but i cant help myself..
i can only pray for that day when my joy returns to me.. though i don't know if i've strength to wait,but i'll wait...
Psa 27:14
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
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"I love life...Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like...It makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness."
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Raisins, 2003
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