sitting on my super comfy bed,with a pot of hot tea in the stillness of night.. (despite the noise of magjong from my sis' room - my mum+YX+her) actually life is very simple.
for my mum - a game of magjong is able to entertain her despite anxiousness on her long flight tomorrow.. for my sis n YX - card game (even simple gambling) or a song can make their day together..
every chinese new year, all friends n relatives will come n have fun in such 'social' gambling (it's such a norm, isnt it?). every often i'd be labelled as anti-social cos i dun involve in such 'bonding' at all.... distinctively, i was always 'left alone' by bosco's relatives cos i dun participate, not even at bosco's request. ... well, i guess that's me - making a stand for what i believe in. Come'on, do we really have to gamble to interact, to break the ice? there're a lot of healthy games, if u want to play! but i thank God thru the yrs, my family and friends understand my stand against gambling - be it social or heavy (white lies/ black lies, they are still lies).
.. cant help thinking abt what ZW told me today that i've been saying moving on with my life, but have i? .. honestly, i cant say i've moved on totally from the past.. afterall if it's that easy, i wont be in depression in first place.. but strange enough, i've been browsing at his facebook photos and updates.. this person whom i love so much, made my heaven and hell on earth.. the more i look at his photos,the more i dont know this person.. i'm surprised by this void of feelings myself! no pain,no hope,no disappointment, not even any pinch 'anger' which i tot i'm 'entitled' to ve..totally void of feelings for this person now. but yet, i cant say i've 101% gotten over him.. it's kinda complicated.. but i'm happy being single now - speaking what i feel, doing what i like..
suddenly, this tot 'i'd be single all my life' does not scare me anymore.. what will be will.. like what we always say in Amplify - if God has called you to it, you cant escape from it. meanwhile, be it church,work or social outings, i just want to be myself.. hopefully to re-live the Janet in her schooldays, the first-love relationship with God..
the world may fail and fall, but if you are with the Creator, how secured is it!
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