30 Dec 08 - Let's get married

(did any of u realise it was 29 dec yesterday?? .. oh well, i suppose i 'graduated' so well that we easily 'overlooked' that date... *good job, J*)

u know why counsellors dun really talk much?? cos it's really interesting to hear all the complaints and scoldings from the 'victim'.. i really enjoy listening to how and what people are saying when they are angry/upset.. (try it - it's really fun..but just dun join in their fun!) many a times, people rehearse and repeat those angry and hurtful words and images to themselves.. (this is where fun is - so silly of people)

seen the movie "monster-in-law"? or heard of how impossble tough in-laws relationship can be? well.. i'm speaking to the guys tonight.. guys, pull down your ego and take on your humility when u face your in-laws or potential in-laws..

1) acknowledge the fact they ARE parents of your wife/gf
i dun care if ur partner is fostered or they are not 'good' parents.. the real fact is THEY ARE YOUR ELDERS. they might not be 'open-minded' as you or even your parents, but they are your elders, her parents. remember we talked abt submission to authority, and every authority on earth is appointed by God? So, stop finding excuses for yourself that "respect is to be earned".. even if respect is to be earned, who are you to ask your elders to earn your respect? how much of life have you been through, compared to them?

2) love is an involvement of 2 families
i know it sounds like "romeo and juliet" but it's very true.. love is about giving sacrificially. if u really love your partner, you want her to be happy, dont you? it's clear that being sandwiched is not a joy.. but even if your partner 'resents' her own parents, do you think she'll be happy cos she's 'out of their clutches'? no one likes a broken relationship, esp with own parents. by 'helping her out of the clutches', you are not restoring joy in her heart (in fact you cant!) And pls dun join the vicious cycle of blaming her parents or siding with ur partner for the sake that she is your partner.
guys, you have an important role in every relationship, esp in a family. you are called to LEAD, not to be led! you have a choice - lead her into fullness of joy or - lead her into the whirlpool of hurt
even though you really do not like her parents or family, humble yourself to earn their respect and trust. the process is full of trials and even tedious.. but it stems down to how much you want your partner to be in REAL JOY, to be free from all the bondages of hurt and resentment..
Remember - what goes around comes around.. one day when ur daughter has a bf, do you want him to earn your repect or you earning his?

3) marriage is a 1-time life-long commitment
those who are married will tell you: it's easier to say 'I do' than to stay married. how true, isn't it? many people are willing to spend 1 yr to plan their big day, but takes 1 day to end it off.
for those guys who are not married - how do you know she is 'the one'?
i know there's no such thing as 'the one' cos pple do change, so do your expectations.. but how can u be sure she is the one who will get you away from all other temptations? 10yrs, 20yrs down the road, will you be able to 'resist' outside seductions becos of her?
dun be eager to marry cos u r of the 'right age' (if so, you are obviously not in the right mentality for marriage) or simply cos u 'feel comfortable' with her. of course, i'm nt asking u not to get married. but do give SERIOUS consideration of the commitment behind the word "marriage". You may 'feel right abt it' now, but how abt feeling right 20yrs,30yrs to come?
then again, do not shun from this responsibility of marriage. You are created with a stronger shoulder to take these responsibilities! (to be crude: why do you think God bless male to be stronger than female? it comes with responsibilities to bear!)
Again, i must remind you - marriage is NOT a try-out. you CANNOT just 'try and see how things will turn out'!! be it Christian values or whatsoever.. do you not know broken marriage is a deep stab into the heart, though people may appear ok with it? Is this the happiness you promise to give in your marriage vow?

.. think about it.. be seriously serious when you say 'let's get married'

p/s: dont worry i'm not recalling my hurt cos it's 'annivesary'.. but cos i've just counselled a friend on this issue.. dont freak out! I'm really ok!!